These men believe they are too straight to be gay, but others see them as too gay to be straight. Yet almost nothing has been written about men who have sex with men (MSM). Research on gay men has frequently focused on fidelity and the capacity to sustain long-term relationships. Shortly before I came out to my wife, she had no idea about my conflict concerning my sexual orientation. My wife and I were best friends and had an acceptable sex life. Things suddenly shifted inside my head, and I went from thinking I was straight to knowing I was gay nothing else could explain what I felt.īy most measures, my marriage was good. I know something about breaking rules because I was married with two children when I unexpectedly fell in love with a man. Sexual infidelity is the epitome of “rule breaking” and can disrupt or end meaningful relationships. When the rules are violated, the wrongdoer may be called on to account for his or her behavior. When we are in a relationship, we expect that our partner will keep our interests in mind even if he or she is tempted to disregard the rules. Infidelity and Forgiveness: The Complexities of Coming Out in a Straight RelationshipĪll relationships have rules, but sometimes those rules get broken.
