What does that do to a young man who knows he's gay and is starved of any kind of visual reference points-or any conversation-for how he's feeling and what he's thinking about? In my case, it renders an already fragile self-esteem non-existent. If it was a gay kiss, their disgust would be voiced with some volume. I remember watching TV growing up and, at the slightest whiff of two people engaging in even the most innocuous act of intimacy-a kiss, a doe-eyed look that might lead to a kiss-the channel would be changed huffily by my parents. I am from a very conservative Indian family where relationships-let alone sexuality-were seldom discussed. Obviously, it all stems from a lack of confidence. But the base, primal need for human intimacy, at other times, leaves me crying. There are moments where I think, I don't care, I'll happily die a virgin, and find fulfillment elsewhere. I'm quite up and down about the reality of the situation.
